she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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