Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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