were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
