Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize