I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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