Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
