I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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