Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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