K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
