Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
