So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
