i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's official drugs can't kill me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
