i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
