The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I look better un-naked...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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