Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
