I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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