No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
