I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
