and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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