Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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