i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
