This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
