Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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