if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize