You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have post one night stand depression
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
