You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
