omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Small penises have feelings too.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
