my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
