I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize