Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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