woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Randomize
