The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
