so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
