Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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