you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
