First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
