Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
