Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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