We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
