Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
