Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
