I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
