Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
