I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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