guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
