Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
