it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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