we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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