My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
