I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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