Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
