I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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