He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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