____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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