Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize