People in love make me want to vomit
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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