If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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