Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
