What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
