I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
