You smell like a Billy Joel song
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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