where am i from again
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
