take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
