Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Naked Twister starts at high noon
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
