i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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