Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
