bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize